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Nov 28

Two’s Company

So here I am once again sitting on my backside after sufferig a setback with my back. This morning, while lifting Olivia, my back explained to me that I was not its favourite person and it was going to stab me repeatedly with a hot poker. Lovely. So pepped up on pain killers and anti-inflammatories, unable to help my wife clear up after dinner, I decided I should blog. What else would I do? :)

You may remember it wasn’t that long ago (2 + 9 + 18 months to be exact) that my wife and I didn’t ever see ourselves having children. Then we changed our minds and were blessed the ability to have one and had Olivia. We were sure that was it. One child was enough. Only children are not necessarily spoiled, they know how to share and can be very personable people (I should know, I’m married to one). Children with siblings are not necessarily well rounded people who know how to share and who have close friendships with their siblings. I should know, I am one.

So it came as a surprise when we both realised we thought it would be nice to have another child. That really threw us. It also scuppered all of our plans we had for Olivia. Private school was a possibility, depending on how my job goes (we were privately educated and although you may disagree with it, we don’t. We won’t go any further than that). There’s no way we could afford private school for two children. So that, along with many other things, had to be taken into account.

Despite all the possible “issues” that having a second child would bring, the image of Olivia paying with a younger sibling and of the house having more than one child in it was just a wonderful image. What’s more important though? Privilege or siblings? We have often said since having Olivia that we should stop thinking so much and just go with our gut instinct. That instinct said second child. We can’t tell what the future holds so although we can hope things will go one way, we shouldn’t stop our lives just now in case it doesn’t go that way.

So once we had come to that conclusion, there was a fair bit of excitement, with equal measures of trepidation and in my case, sheer panic. The thought of going through the sleepless nights (which aren’t yet fully over), the feeding, the weaning and the simple logistics of dealing with a demanding toddler and a young baby is quite frankly terrifying. But then so was the thought of having our first, and it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. So scary doesn’t mean bad.

Is it the right time to have a second child? We didn’t want to leave it too much longer as we want a small age gap between Olivia and her little brother or sister and we would like the tricky stage mentioned above over sooner rather than later. A little bit of work for some wonderful rewards is how I viewed it. Sure, the 12 or so months after the birth would be tough, but we imagine equally amazing, seeing Olivia hopefully bonding with her sibling and hopefully seeing the new addition learning from Olivia. That would be wonderful. From there on we would have our little family of 4. Sounds amazing.

So, what next? A night of frickin’ awesome passion is what came next (no pun intended). Wow. The next morning though things were a little more real and for me, scary. Were we ready? Would Olivia be better off an only child? Would having another one break us beyond repair? Bit late for those thoughts buddy boy.

So now we are in limbo. We probably aren’t ready, so I’m not sowing any more seeds so to speak, but if one of the little soldiers entered enemy territory without detection, then that’s amazing and we will embrace it with open arms. What’s meant to be is meant to be and all that.

So watch this space. We would like another child. We’re too scared to say “let’s do it”, but we’ve already done it so the decision may be made. We will be happy whatever the outcome.

Footnote: my wife has been having a recurring dream for many weeks now where she is in the car with 3 little girls in the back, with Olivia being the oldest and the other 2 being twins. They refer to me, Daddy. She’s not a shaman or anything, but good god!

  • http://www.muminthesouth.co.uk Ericka Waller

    Loved this post. Having another child is a scary place to go. We did it twice more after the first, and ended up with “three-under-five”. I’ll be honest, we did think too much about what we were doing. I’ll be too honest, my husband only has to ring me up and I get pregnant. We had no time to panic. We still don’t really. Yes our days are mad and loud and messy, and yes we worry about education (the only secondary school in our location is less than desirable) but when I see all the arms and legs and fingers and toes I made next to me on the sofa, I never fail to feel utterly chuffed with myself. Good luck!

    • chuckalicious

      That comment made me laugh out loud (which would have woken the baby had there been one ;-) ). Lovely comment though and does help reinforce what we are feeling deep down. Thank you.

  • http://mutteringsofafool.com The Fool

    First of all a round of applause for those innuendo’s and puns, awesome stuff. Secondly it is tough knowing that you may not give Olivia the exact upbringing you imagined but some things aren’t as simple as just money are they? Finally totally agree on the first 12 months thing, I love the age Matilda is now but less than 12 months really isn’t that exciting for me.

    • chuckalicious

      Thanks for the comment Ben. Don’t get me wrong – I loved the baby phase and I’d happily do it again, but my concern is how we deal with that phase, which at the time completely consumed us, while still giving Olivia what she needs.

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